Leave it to Donald Trump to find the most absurd reason imaginable for territorial expansion: hemorrhoids.
In this satirical masterpiece, we see Trump—half-naked, wearing a diaper—explaining why America absolutely must acquire Greenland. Not for strategic military positioning. Not for natural resources. Not even for the usual imperialist reasons. No, according to this version of Trump, it’s because Greenland’s ice will soothe his hemorrhoid problems.
It’s ridiculous. It’s grotesque. And honestly? It’s not that far from the kind of logic Trump actually uses.
Remember when he genuinely proposed buying Greenland in 2019? The Danish Prime Minister called the idea “absurd,” and Trump canceled his state visit in a tantrum. He couldn’t understand why a sovereign nation wasn’t for sale, why you can’t just purchase countries like real estate properties, why the entire world was laughing at him.
This video takes that delusion and pushes it to its logical extreme. If Trump can seriously propose acquiring Greenland for geopolitical vanity, why not for personal comfort? The man has always put his own needs above everything else—why should international relations be any different?
The diaper is particularly fitting. It’s the perfect metaphor for Trump’s entire presidency: infantile, messy, and requiring constant cleanup by others. His approach to foreign policy has always been exactly this—childish tantrums, personal grievances, and a complete inability to grasp that the world doesn’t revolve around his needs.
And now, as he eyes a return to power, we’re supposed to trust this man with international diplomacy again? A man who sees sovereign nations as potential solutions to his personal problems? A man whose understanding of geopolitics is literally at the level of “big ice might feel good”?
The satire writes itself because the reality is already absurd. Trump has turned American politics into a joke—this video just makes the punchline explicit.
Sometimes mockery is the only appropriate response to madness. And few things are madder than Trump’s continued relevance in American politics.
Laugh at the video. Then remember it’s barely an exaggeration.
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